Sasuke's Lousy Spring Break
by GoesKaboom
Summary: For spring vacation, Sasuke rents a condo right next to Akatsuki. Whether he's busy trying to kill Itachi, calling Deidara a transvestite, or just being Sasuke in general,a crack storyline is sure to follow! Oneshot. Resubmitted.


Sasuke's Lousy Spring Break

**Note: I don't own squat. If I did, do you think I would be typing this fanfiction on a Frankencomputer I built out of ancient computer parts in my musty old basement? Didn't think so. So SOMEONE PLEASE get the lawyers off my lawn? I just mowed it on Saturday.**

**Warnings: Language and OOCness**

"Hey! I booked the condo! We're leaving in two days, so everyone pack your bags!" Kisame said.

"Whee Thebeachthebeachthebeachthebeach! We're going to the beach-un!" Deidara chanted. He already had his bags packed and he was busy filling his ducky inner-tube with air.

"This is such a waste of money," Kakuzu complained.

"Oh, just shut up. It's spring break and everyone who's anyone is going on a trip," Kisame replied.

"Kisame...you're sure there are no nudist conventions in town this time? " Itachi asked. "That was miserable, and I don't think I'll be recovering from that anytime soon." Deidara laughed.

"Who cares, Itachi? All that matters is that we're going to the BEACH-UN!" he yelled/

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In Konoha, Sasuke logged off his computer. He didn't know it, but he had secured the condo right next to the Akatsuki condo! He didn't think to double-check who had the other reservation for the adjoining room, but then, who could it possibly be? "Dobe, Sakura, pack your suitcases. We leave for the beach in two days. Oh, and Naruto- can you try not to bring enough ramen to feed a small country this time?"

"Fine," Naruto sighed.

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Two days later, Akatsuki and Team Seven went to the realtor's office within ten minutes of each other to pick up the keys. It was a warm, sunny day, and the clear blue ocean looked VERY INVITING. Even Kakuzu had to admit: Maybe it was good they spent the money. Naruto couldn't wait to go to the ocean, and Sakura really wanted to get a tan. They thought everything would be perfect. However, the anonymity didn't last.

"YOU!" Sasuke and Itachi yelled at each other when they reached the condo, dropping their bags.

"You bastard I'm going to kill you!" Sasuke screamed, lunging forward.

"Foolish little brother... runnning into you here totally trashes my vacation mood! There are tons of beaches in the world, why did you have to choose this one?" Itachi replied with distaste.

"Shut up! I can go to whatever beach I damn well want to!" Sasuke shouted. "But you won't be going to any beach at all, because you'll die right here!"

"Whatever." Itachi opened the door to the Akatsuki condo and everyone followed him inside. With a scream of outrage, Sasuke charged toward the door just as Zetsu closed it. He rebounded off the door and hit the wall with a sickening thud.

"I'll drown him in the ocean, I swear I will!" he muttered.

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"Woot! Ramen on the beach!" Naruto yelled when he saw the little snack shack labled _Beachside Ramen Co. _"Come on, you guys!" he shouted as he dragged Sasuke and Sakura towards it. "Sasuke-temee's buying!"

"Not now, Naruto, I have to plan the assassination of my brother!" Sasuke roared, flames springing up behind him.

"Look, that guy's on fire!" someone yelled. The lifeguard ran over to the ocean with a bucket and filled it up with water. Then he dumped it on Sasuke's head.

"PFFFT!" Sasuke spat out the water. "What was that for?"

"You were on fire, sir," the lifeguard said.

"But that's no reason to dump a bucket of nasty funky ocean water on me!" Sasuke replied grouchily. The lifeguard looked incredulously at him.

"You were on FIRE. As in, flaming firey inferno. You would have DIED if we didn't dump that on you."

A little ways away, Akatsuki was laughing their asses off. And you do have to admit: It was a pretty funny sight to see.

"Ok, Ok. You don't have to buy the ramen," Naruto finally conceded. Which just sent Sasuke into a rage.

"THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOUR GODDAMN RAMEN! THIS IS ABOUT ME FINALLY KILLING MY FAMILY'S MURDERER. YOU BOTH ARE GETTING IN THE WAY! JUST GO EAT YOUR RAMEN TOGETHER AND LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE! I MUST KILL ITACHI!" Sakura blinked in shock.

"W-what did I do?" she sniffled, on the verge of tears.

"Just ignore him," Naruto said consolingly. "He's a bastard. Here, I'll buy you ramen."

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While Naruto and Sakura were busy eating ramen, Sasuke was plotting. But Itachi wasn't really worried. He took part in typical beach activities like snacking on Sno-Cones, burying Tobi in the sand, looking for seashells and Mangekyouing them when they turned out to be hermit crabs, attempting to surf, you know, NORMAL beach stuff. "Aaah, I love the beach!" he said happilt as he flopped down on the sand.

"That's a good thing, because now this beach will be your grave!" Sasuke screamed, popping out of the sand like a gopher. Itachi sighed.

"You don't know when to quit, do you?" he asked. Sasuke's eye twitched.

"You.. you... I HATE YOU!" he shrieked at the top of his lungs and ran off sobbing.

"Uh... was all Itachi could say to that.

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That evening, Sasuke started throwing everyone's stuff into their suitcases.

"Uh... hey!" Sakura said indignantly.

"We're leaving. I can't bear to be in the same town as my brother," he replied.

"YOU can go home, but I'm staying right here until spring break is over!" Naruto replied. As much as she hated to admit it, Sakura had to agree with Naruto.

"If it's all the same to you, Sasuke-kun, I want to stay too."

"Ok, ok, fine. We'll stay. But I MUST DESTROY ITACHI!"

"Yeah yeah yeah," Naruto said. "But can you try not to ruin our vacation?"

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The next day, Akatsuki went to the beach and started building the biggest sand castle they could so Deidara could blow it up. Everyone was really proud of it, but for some reason Sasuke decided that he would go destroy it.

"You... you... how DARE you-un! **_I_** was going to destroy it!" Deidara shouted.

"Outta the way, transvestite. I'm not going to fight you today. I will kill my brother!" Sasuke shouted back at an equally loud volume. Now, this pissed off Deidara to no end (can't say I blame him).

"I AM NOT A TRANSVESTITE! MY HAIR IS SMEXY! YOURS JUST LOOKS LIKE A CHICKEN'S ASS -UN! AND IF YOU THINK YOU'LL BE ABLE TO KILL ITACHI, YOU'VE GOT ANOTHER THINK COMING! FIRST YOU BREAK MY SAND CASTLE, THEN YOU CALL ME A TRANSVESTITE, YOU BASTARD! BUT TRUST ME, YOU WON'T GET AWAY WITH THIS-UN!"

"Wow... he's really pissed!" Zetsu muttered to Hidan. It looked like Deidara was ready to blast the whole damn beach sky-high, so Sakura dragged Sasuke out of the blast zone.

"But I didn't get to kill Itachi yet!"

"Forget it Sasuke. You're going home. OBVIOUSLY you can't handle being on vacation, so you're going back to Konoha while Naruto and I stay here." Sakura yelled. Sasuke blinked in shock. He was being sent home!?

"Fine," he said angrily. "But don't come crying to me when Akatsuki kills you both!"

Sasuke got put on the next bus home. And he was wrong about one thing: Akatsuki didn't try to attack Naruto and Sakura. Instead they invited them to a luau.

"It's too bad Sasuke-temee missed this!" Naruto said.

"Ah, who cares?" Itachi replied. "I was getting tired of being targeted every five minutes."

"No, it would have been funny to see him try to hula!"

"There's always next year," Sakura said quietly.

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Back home, Sasuke was angry. He had to spend the rest of his spring break chasing after that stupid cat. It just goes to show: never let pointless things like revenge get in the way of your spring break, because it will come back to bite you in the butt.

**The End **

Omake- Author's Comments

I honestly don't know why I wrote this. I really wish I was on spring break, but at least there's only three more days left!

I don't hate Sasuke, I just felt like giving him a hard time today. I also don't hate Deidara, but my friend called him a transvestite so I just ended up putting it in here. No, seriously, he's one of my favorite characters.

Anyway, thanks for reading!

EDIT- Sorry about the resubmit.

-GoesKaboom


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